


Seasons of My Life

by holyfanfictionbatman, monroesherlock, sherlockian0



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blow Jobs, Case Fic, Destiel - Freeform, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Fallen Castiel, Flashbacks, Frottage, Human Castiel, M/M, Mild Gore, Monsters, OFC - Freeform, Original Character(s), Singing, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-21 12:58:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/900592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holyfanfictionbatman/pseuds/holyfanfictionbatman, https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroesherlock/pseuds/monroesherlock, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian0/pseuds/sherlockian0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are forced to deal with a harsh reality while searching for kidnapped children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"So, it sounds like our kind of thing?" Dean slid back into the driver's seat and pulled his door closed.  
  
"I'd say so. Four counselors went missing in the woods after summer camp was over for the day. Apparently, one girl made it back but it looks like they only tested her for drugs and dismissed the rest of the story." Castiel tsked lightly before closing the newspaper.  
  
"It say why they didn't believe her story?"  
  
"She described a giant man with superpowers that tore her friends to pieces. Naturally, they weren't so keen on that explanation."  
  
"Ouch. Yeah, that sounds like our kind of party," Dean said as he sighed and pulled onto the road.  
  
"Are you sure you want to take this, Dean? Sam could always send it off to some other hunter in the area," Castiel reminded him, “he wouldn’t mind giving his research to someone else.” But Dean was already pulling his seatbelt on, preparing for the drive to northern Michigan.  
  
"Yeah, I’m sure. You know how I get when we stay in one place for too long. It'll feel good to stretch my legs and get away from everything. Besides, we haven't gone on a hunt in a while." Dean sent him a lascivious smirk and said, " you and me can finally spend a little time all to ourselves, angel."  
  
Castiel chuckled slightly and set the folded up newspaper on the dash. "That sounds nice." He leaned back in his seat and waited for their arrival.

\--  
  
"I find that I didn't miss the sleazy motels."  
  
"Really? What's not to love? The stench of past tenants or the prostitute next door?" Dean waggled his eyebrows. "If those don't suit your fancy, the leopard wallpaper is sure to get you." He gestured widely around the room and then squinted. "I'm sure Sammy and I stayed here at least once."  
  
"How can you be sure? They all look the same." Castiel tossed his pack onto the bed. "I'm going to go get changed so we can go and talk to the local police," he called over his shoulder as he walked to the restroom.  
  
"Ah, yes, the fun part of our job,” Dean huffed, pulling his own suit out of his pack, “talking to the police."

\--  
  
"And what exactly is the FBI's interest in this case?" The local sheriff raised an eyebrow at the two men.  
  
"It's routine. Seemed a little strange that there was no follow up, seeing as you still have three missing teenagers," Dean told him. "You know how tricky those missing person's cases get."  
  
"Of course, but that's the thing. We don't think they're missing. You know how kids are, all 18 year olds, it’s the summer before they go to college. They're sowing their wild oats while they're young." The sheriff shrugged, "They'll turn up when they turn up."  
  
"And the girl who came back screaming about a monster? Your report said she was covered in blood. Some her own, some not." Castiel questioned. "That didn't seem strange to you? It didn't warrant a look?"  
  
"Listen son, that girl, she isn't known for the best decisions. The town had decided to give her another chance by agreeing to let her work at the YMCA this summer. But, once she got back...we suspected drugs. A crap ton of drugs. I mean come on, a giant man ripping people apart? What am I supposed to believe in next? The tooth fairy?" Dean yanked on the back of Castiel's coat to stop his outburst.  
  
"Of course, we understand. We'd still like to talk to her though, just to get her perspective on things." Dean's smile was tight, his teeth clenched to hold back his irritation.  
  
"Sure. Don't know what you're gonna get out of her, but sure. I'll get you her address and everything you might need, but I'm telling you guys, there's nothing for you here."  
  
"I can assure you that we'll be the judge of that." Castiel plucked the file from the sheriff's hand with a look of complete and utter disdain. "For your sake, I sure hope those poor children are still alive." He turned on his heel and stormed away.  
  
"Your partner always like that?" The sheriff asked Dean.  
  
"Nah, he's in an unusually good mood today." Dean clapped him on the shoulder. "Have a good day, Sheriff."

\--  
  
"So, tell us Abigail, what exactly did you see?"  
  
"I already told all this crap to the cops. I had like, half a beer and I wasn't high. I know what I saw. They can call me crazy all they want but it doesn’t make it any less true." Abigail crossed her arms haughtily and leaned back against her couch.  
  
"We're not judging you, we just want to know what happened. There are three other kids out there and we know they're not just off having fun," Dean pressed. "I'm sure you know that better than anyone. If they’re hurt, we want to help."  
  
Abigail bit her lip anxiously before speaking. "It was huge. Like a greenish grey color. It walked like a man," she finally whispered.  
  
"What else?" Castiel prodded gently.  
  
"We got separated. I heard Sarah screaming, so I ran towards her voice, but I never found her. It was like her voice was everywhere but I couldn't actually see her." Abigail shivered at the memory. "And then there it was. It had Greg in it's hands and it was tearing him apart. I-" she shook her head. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."  
  
"No, of course not. That was more than enough. Thank you, Abigail." Dean tucked his notepad back into his breast pocket. “If you think of anything else or you remember anything specific, it would be great if you called this number.” He handed her a card.

“That’s really it. I don’t remember anything else,” Abigail insisted.

“You never know. Something could come back,” Dean assured her. “That’s all we needed. We’re gonna get out of your way, let you rest some more.” He and Castiel stood from their seats. “We’ll try to find your friends.”

Abigail sniffled loudly, big pearly tears running down down her cheeks. “I’m not sure there will be anything left for you to find.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild descriptions of gore.

“Dean. Dean... Dean, wake up.”

Dean grunted into his pillow and turned away from the irritating sound. His groggy mind couldn’t understand why said noise was trying to disturb his rest, but he was having none of it. The damn thing didn’t know him, it didn’t know his life, and it could just-

“Dean!” The sound (actually, it was a voice, Dean could make that much out) sounded very annoyed. “I can hear everything you’re saying, husband of mine, since you’re not exactly being quiet.”

Oops, Dean thought, it’s Cas.

“Yes, it’s Cas, you moron. Now, will you please get up and take a shower? We have a long day ahead of us, and I would like to get started.”

Dean finally gathered enough strength to pick his head up from the pillow to peer blearily at Cas.

“I was saying all that out loud?”

“Yes. And I think you should know that I do not appreciate being called irritating so early in the morning. I have to at least have had my coffee.”

With that, Cas turned on his heel and huffed out the door, supposedly to go and get said coffee. And maybe donuts. Dean could really go for some donuts.

Grunting again, this time in fatigue rather than annoyance, Dean swung his body out of the motel bed and went to do as Cas had commanded. He didn’t want Cas to be even more disappointed with him when he got back, and Dean easily admitted that calling his voice irritating wasn’t his shining moment. In fact, hearing Cas’ voice so early in the morning usually caused him to smile and shift a bit closer to the warm body and even warmer voice. But, Dean wasn’t perfect, and Cas knew that better than anyone.

Twenty minutes later, Dean stumbled from the shower, hurriedly pulling on clean clothes once he smelled the fresh coffee.

He walked out of the bathroom to see Cas perched on their bed, sipping that froo-froo latte shit that he liked so much. Dean was touched to see that Cas had not only brought back the black coffee that Dean thrived on, but a big bear claw as well.

Grabbing his breakfast and sliding in next to Cas, Dean pecked him on the cheek and nuzzled in.  
“Thanks, angel. ‘Preciate it.” Cas tilted his head to the side, allowing Dean greater access to his neck.

He mumbled softly, voice catching as Dean placed his cup aside and started sucking on the days old bruise left from their last night together. “You don’t actually think that my voice is annoying, do you?”

Dean scoffed, pulling Cas closer to him. “No, baby, I don’t think that, and I’m sorry I said it. Didn’t mean it at all.”

Dean could hear Cas breathe a bit easier and felt his body relax.

“That’s what I thought,” Cas said. Suddenly, Dean was pushed aside and was met with a smiling face. “However, we’ve still got a monster to track. Finish your breakfast and lets call in before we go.”

\--

Thirty minutes later found them revving up the Impala and heading out towards the woods after a nice chat over the phone. The familiar voice made them more eager than ever to get this job over with quickly.

They finally made it to the edge of the forest, right where the counselors were said to have entered. But, looking around, they didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, not even a broken tree branch.

“Cas, are you sure this is where she... what was her name again?”

“Abigail.”

“Abigail, right. Are you sure this is where Abigail and those kids went in? A couple of camp counselors who all work at the freakin’ YMCA shouldn’t be able to hide their tracks.”

“Yes, this is where she said they entered. Right across from the Walgreens.” Cas turned to point at the convenience store behind them.

“But didn’t she say that they were near the one closest to the YMCA, not the one near our place?”

Cas startled and turned back towards Dean. “Oh,” he said, “I had forgotten that. My apologies, Dean.”

Dean chuckled and went to wrap his arm around Cas’ neck. “It’s okay, angel, these human bodies are all gettin’ old.” This prompted Cas to lean into Dean, and smiling he murmured, “do you mind repeating that? I am sure that Sam would love to hear such momentous words.”

\---

Arriving at the correct entrance point, the two men exited the car and headed towards the break in the trees. They easily followed the path the teenagers had taken, making for an easy trek through the woods. About thirty minutes into their walk they started coming across beer bottles and cigarette butts that had been dug into the tree bark. That particular path lead them to a small clearing where a left over fire pit had been haphazardly dug and the fluttering remains of crime scene tape had been left. They picked through the leaves, searching for footprints of something not exactly human, but the place had been destroyed by the police. It seemed like the cops had trampled through once they realized that there was nothing to be found besides evidence of drunken teenagers. Usually this would have impeded their search, but luckily for them, a smaller trail was found, one that only trained hunters would have recognized.

“Cas, over here, looks like something ran away from here. And fast too.”

Cas started to move from where he had been standing across the clearing. “Faster than normal kind of fast, or abnormally fast?”

“Abnormally fast. The breaks in the wood are almost perfect, almost like a high powered wind had cut through it, but there are also small toe imprints here.”

Cas nodded and crouched down next to Dean, running his fingers over the prints in the ground. “Claw marks too, they pushed the dirt away.” He paused for a moment, thinking, “but everything that moves that quickly can do that.”

“Well, yeah,” Dean agreed, “but I can’t remember any stories about monsters with superhuman speed in this area.”

“Neither can I.” Cas stopped again and looked worriedly towards Dean, “we have to make sure to be careful, you know that.”

Dean leaned over and placed a soft kiss to Cas’ nose. “Yeah, angel, I know, don’t worry.” Cas rolled his eyes at the platitude, seeing it for the distraction that it was, but he didn’t push. He knew that Dean was the best at what he did and that the hunter would never put a case over the happiness of his family.

Cas and Dean rose and started moving along the trail, careful not to mar the pathway or miss any clues. It took them awhile, but the trail eventually stopped at the side of something that could generously be called a hill but was, in fact, a mountain.

“What the hell? Does this mean we have to climb? Cas, dude, I’m not climbing this thing.”

Cas chuckled at Dean’s panic and placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. “No, Dean, we will not have to climb the mountain. There seems to be a rock a few feet over that is jutting out too far, and it most likely leads to an opening.”

Luckily for them, Cas was very much correct. The opening lead to a cave that disappeared into the darkness, and they could hear water running somewhere in the distance. But despite their lack of light, they could most certainly smell the contents of the cave. The stench was the distinct aroma of rotted bodies that had been left in the remains of their own feces.

Dean quickly yanked out his flashlight and momentarily fumbled to turn the switch. The smell was overwhelming them both, and they were forced to fight their gag reflexes, which made working the little apparatus one of the more difficult things that Dean had recently done. Finally, the small light illuminated the cave and presented them with a picture that should have been left to the dark.

Off to one side rested the carcass of a male of heavier build, perhaps Caucasian, but that was a bit hard to tell. The leftover flesh had folded into itself and was sprinkled with a sheen of dirt that reflected off the light, but most of the bones were covered with a football jersey that had been placed on top, almost in some type of memorial. That particular pile had the stench of time, as far as they could tell from their distance, and they silently agreed that that young man had been the first to go.

The second pile was a bit more difficult to distinguish, but from what they could make out, it was the body of a young woman. There wasn’t much left of her besides a shoe that had been tossed next to the remaining guts and bones, but the lack of blood stuck out to them. It seemed like the monster had picked the body clean, practically sucking the flesh right from the bone, if the gleaming pile was anything to go by.

“Almost like it was having breakfast or dessert,” Dean mumbled aloud. Cas poked him in the side for that.

But it was the third pile that really threw them for a curve and left them staggering. There was no real way to identify this one since the body had been stripped of its flesh and then broken apart.There was no meat, just like the second pile, but the entrails and parts of the stomach had been left to rot. From where they were standing they could see a white fluid slowly leaking onto the ground, releasing a putrid smell that only made the stench of the cave even worse. Noticing something moving, Dean crept a couple of inches forward and bent at the knees. From this new angle he could see that his earlier assumption had been wrong, and that there was in fact a piece of the person left. An eyeball was swimming lazily in the white fluid, causing the flashlight to reflect off the still wet underside and cast a small rainbow towards the wall. Dean sucked in a breath, trying to get back his focus, but he just couldn’t look away. He also saw that the bones were not only covered in bite marks but had also been cracked in multiple places. His own bones creaked in sympathy, but it was his stomach that almost lost a difficult battle when he noticed that the bone marrow had been sucked clean out.

Cas coughed lightly behind him, drawing Dean’s attention.

“Would you mind if we left, Dean? It’s plain to see that this is a wendigo, so there is really no need to stay here.”

Dean could see the strain in Cas’ face and felt it reflected in his own, understanding his horror at seeing three young kids torn apart without mercy. But, Dean knew that if he had known any of these kids, he would have wanted them buried and honored in at least some small way.

“Let’s put their bodies to rest first, Cas. We can’t just leave them here like this.”

Cas grimaced and steeled himself before taking the foldable shovel out of his bag and handing it to Dean, gesturing at him to start digging outside the cavern. Dean nodded and moved towards the opening, but before disappearing around the edge, he looked back. The man’s shoulders were hunched over and he was staring at the second pile with tears in his eyes, almost as if his personal fears could be found in that one lone shoe. Dean turned away to give him space and began digging the graves for the children who would never live to see another day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter; explicit context

On the drive back to the motel, Cas was unusually quiet. Over the years he had developed a habit of humming along to the radio on long drives, and while Dean would never admit it, he found that the rumbling bass improved even the most badass classics. On this ride however, Cas sat silently, staring out the window at the seemingly never ending forest that made up Northern Michigan.

“Cas, buddy, you okay?” Dean asked, concern written across his face. Cas blinked out of his trance as the Impala pulled into a parking space.

“I’m fine, Dean. I just can’t stop thinking about the kids. How young they were, how much life was still ahead for them. Their families are out there somewhere, holding onto the hope that their babies could still come home...” Cas was cut off by being engulfed in his husband’s arms, his head tucked into Dean’s neck. He breathed in the familiar scent of leather, whiskey, and Dean and allowed it to wash over him.

“Listen, angel,” Dean murmured into Cas’ ear “There was nothing more we could have done for them. We gave ‘em a proper burial, and now we’re gonna make sure no one else gets hurt by this monster. We’ll gank it quick and head home, and I promise that it will all be over and done with by this time tomorrow.” Cas reluctantly pulled out of the embrace and nodded, Dean’s confidence and reassurance grounding the former angel back to earth. “Alright then,” Dean said as they got out of the car, “lets get the gear inside. Our best bet is to catch the wendigo by surprise and head out tonight, so we have a few hours to kill...” If Cas didn’t know any better he would have sworn that Dean had wiggled his hips on purpose as he walked towards the motel room, but he knew he didn’t imagine the wink Dean threw over his shoulder as he opened the door.

Cas ran to the back of the Impala so he could strap the two flare guns to his belt, sling the flame thrower over his shoulder, and stuff his pockets with as many matchboxes and condoms as he could fit. The men had taken to leaving a box of condoms in the trunk at an early point in their relationship, and old habits thankfully die hard.

The second Cas stepped into the room and the door clicked shut behind him, he found himself being stripped of weapons and clothing alike. Dean ravaged his mouth with filthy, open mouth kisses that were an inch away from being considered needy. Cas realized that both of them were in desperate need of a distraction and was more than willing to let Dean take control for the moment. Dean dropped to his knees in front of a suddenly naked Cas, who barely had time to realize he was naked before his only thought was “fuck, he knows how to use his mouth.” A decade of practice meant that Dean had gotten very good at knowing how to push Cas’ buttons, and it was only a few minutes until Cas felt his control begin to crumble.

Cas huffed out a breath, grabbing Dean by his hair and firmly pulling him off. “Dean, if you don’t come up here and find another use for that obscene mouth of yours, I’m afraid this is going to be over much sooner than we want.”

Dean scowled but nevertheless worked his way up Cas’ body, stopping to kiss or nip at the skin every few inches. “I thought,” he said, biting at the exposed hip bone in front of him, “after all these years,” licking a strip across a triplet of birthmarks near Cas’ belly button, “you would have developed a bit more,” flicking his tongue around the sensitive bud of one nipple after the other, “control,” finally reaching Cas’ face and swallowing his moan in another hungry kiss. During their kiss Cas felt that while Dean had shed his shirts somewhere along the way, he still had those damn ass molding jeans on that Cas usually greatly appreciated. He deftly unbuttoned and shoved the pants down with one hand while grabbing a handful of his husband’s ass with the other.

The front of Dean’s boxers were soaked through with pre-come, and neither man was going to last much longer at this rate. Ripping the boxers down roughly, Cas gripped their slick cocks and let Dean rut into his hand. He could feel the head of Dean’s cock butting against his own, causing a shock of pleasure to rocket through him, and a loud moan escaped before he could reign it in. Cas scraped his free hand down Dean’s back, nails digging in roughly and leaving behind red streaks, but he was careful not to break the skin. He had seen enough blood for one day. “Dean,” he panted, “harder, Dean, harder.” Grunting and gripping Cas’ hips tight enough to form bruises, Dean thrust up, pushing Cas into the door frame and causing the wood to creak. Cas moaned out his pleasure at the additional pressure, glad to have all that weight hard against him, protecting and caging him in. He could feel his orgasm building fast and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hold it back. “I’m, I’m,” unable to get the sentence out Cas threw his head back and tugged Dean closer with his legs, coming hard enough to see starts. A few stuttering thrusts later Dean came with Cas’ name and taste on his lips, practically growling as his come painted Cas’ torso and spent cock.

The two men slumped against the door, trying to catch their breath. After a minute Dean smiled and stood up to grab towels for them.

“I gotta admit Cas, sometimes I impress even myself with how good I’ve gotten at that after all these years. I can’t believe what I was missing out on before I switched to dick. Yours probably has magic angel powers though, right babe? ” It was all Cas could do to stay upright, so he just gave a glare in response.


	4. Chapter 4

An hour after nightfall Cas and Dean set out to try and find the cave again. Since becoming human and a hunter, Cas had become the best Winchester at tracking. Sometimes it made Sam and Dean want to beat him with a heavy stick, but at this moment it was coming in handy. The moon was only a sliver in the sky above them, and under the canopy of trees it was almost pitch black. Although Dean had been perfectly distracting in the motel room, now that they were back on the job, thoughts about the victims and their families came creeping back. Cas couldn’t get away from the picture of grieving families mourning their dead children that they would never get to say goodbye too.

In his mind the families began to morph into Sam, Dean, and the extended family they had collected over the last decade. They stood around a child sized coffin being lowered into the ground, and sorrow hung in the air as heavy as an executioner's axe. Cas snapped out of his daydream when Dean placed a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, angel, we’re close right?”

“Yes, Dean, it’s just over this hill.” Cas couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in his bones, but kept moving forward anyways. They climbed the last few steps to the entrance of the cave, listening for life sounds. When they didn’t hear anything, they shone their flashlights into the heart of the cave. Everything was just as they had left it, not a pebble out of place. They walked in, flare guns at the ready, to confirm their suspicions.

“The wendigo must have moved on to a new location,” Cas whispered, worry clear in his voice. “A new location means new victims and new dead bodies and new families missing their children. We need to move now to track this thing before dawn. I am not letting any more children die tonight, Dean.”

“Listen Cas, I get why you’re making this case personal, but if we want to save these kids we have to keep our minds on the job. We can’t think about her right now, we can’t let ourselves get distracted. She is perfectly fine with Sam, far away from this monster. Focus on right now, and we can think about her later.”

Her. Special, perfect her.Small hands, small nose, small feet, but growing bigger everyday. Uncountable numbers of dirty diapers and smiles and messes and giggles. A perfect angel, in the most human way possible. Cas had thought life married to Dean was as near to perfect as he was going to get, but when this little girl had come into their life it was as if the gates of Heaven had opened up to him once again and gave him the greatest gift he could ask for. He suddenly flashed back on how he had ended up so far away from his precious gift, hunting a child killer.  
  
 _“Cas, come look at this.” Dean called over his shoulder. “Sammy took some pretty cute pictures of the kid and him. I’m gonna print them out and put them on the fridge.” Castiel shuffled over to the table, two cups of coffee and a newspaper balanced in his hands._

_“Dean, I don’t think there is an inch of space left on the fridge for another picture. You have an addiction.” Cas sighed, attempting to drink his coffee without spilling it everywhere. He plopped himself in a chair far enough away that Dean couldn’t snatch the newspaper out of his hands, but close enough that he could put his feet in Dean’s lap. Momentarily distracted by said feet, Dean began to slowly massage his toes, working his way up and onto his legs, only to stop inches below the inner thigh. Cas let out a whimper at the loss of sensation._

_“Just because Sammy took the kid fishing for the weekend doesn’t mean we can do it in the dining room, angel.” Cas narrowed his eyes and glared, clearly showing where he stood on the issue. Nonetheless he removed his feet and scooted closer to the computer screen._

_“So, what’s new with my favorite Winchester?” Cas asked, skimming through Sam’s email. There was an attached link to a newspaper article in Northern Michigan. “Is that a case?”_

_“Looks like. We haven’t been on one in, what, eight months? Nine? It was right around the time Mary got the flu, and I remember Sam calling to bitch us out about the ‘germ infested hell hole of a daycare’ we send her to. It looks like it could be fun. It’s not even a day’s drive from here.” Dean drummed his fingers against the table, his excitement at a possible case almost palatable._

_“I guess if Sam doesn’t mind keeping Mary for a little longer….”_

_“Are you kidding? He loves our little girl more than he likes either of us, and that’s saying something. Come on Cas, we’ve barely been out to dinner alone since the last hunt. Just think about it: a week, maybe two, alone, a hotel room all to ourselves, anything could happen really. Anything at all…” Dean trailed off, licking his lips obscenely to really drive the point home. Cas swallowed heavily, hating the “no sex in the dining room” rule more and more._

When Cas looked up at Dean again, his cold blue eyes were filled with passion and fury, completely resolute. “Let’s go Dean, we have a monster to catch,” he commanded, already following the barely there trail the wendigo had left hours ago. Not one to argue at times like this, Dean followed his angel into the dark, swallowing down the strange unease that had settled in his soul when he looked into Cas’ eyes.

\--------

When they reached the end of the trail Cas saw no indication that the wendigo had moved further on. Instead he assumed that it had moved off in the underbrush, trying to hide itself from the two hunters.

“Dean, we have to split up to cover more ground.”

“Are you sure? You know this thing can mimic voices, so why would we split up?”

Ignoring the last part of his question, Cas kept talking, “it can mimic voices, but it can’t use technology, so just call me if you find something.”

Dean nodded and then moved forward to grasp Cas’ shoulder. “I will take us both back to the motel right now and leave your ass there if you don’t get it together.” Cas was shocked by Dean’s furious tone but he focused on what he was saying. “If you do anything, and I mean anything,” Dean growled, “to get yourself hurt while going after this thing I will never forgive you. You are not allowed to go crazy and leave Mary, Sam, and I alone. You hear me?”

Cas hung his head and nodded, hearing the truth in Dean’s words. “I promise, Dean,” he whispered, “I promise not to get hurt.”

Cas could feel Dean’s stare and slowly raised his head to peer into his husband’s eyes. “I swear, Dean.”

Dean grunted and moved in the opposite direction, away from Cas, and Cas could only feel love and happiness that Dean trusted him so much, still believed in him after all this time.

\-------

Cas moved quickly through the woods, his gun down at his side and at the ready. He kept his ears open for any sort of sound or rustle, and that is what alerted him to the discontinuity. There was no noise. He couldn't make out the sound of bugs or woodland animals, and at this time of night the nocturnal beings should have been out and about. He reasoned that it must be the threat of the wendigo that drove the animals away, but he had no time to worry about that.

Suddenly a bush off to his left shuddered slightly and immediately stopped its movement. For a moment Cas assumed that it had been a gust of wind, but that thought was ignored as he felt the dry air around him.

He crouched to the forest floor, steadied himself, and looked to the underbrush. It took his eyes a moment to acclimate to the deeper darkness, but when they focused and peered carefully into the black he saw a pair of piercing yellow eyes staring right at him.

Cas aimed his gun and fired, going directly for a headshot.

The monster anticipated his movements and shifted only moments before the bullet reached its body, but Cas' aim was too precise and he managed to clip it in its flank, jerking off a chunk of flesh.

The beast roared right before it jumped at Cas, landing directing on top of him. Cas scrambled to bash the butt of his gun into the wendigo's face, but it moved off of his body a moment too soon and disappeared.

Confused, Cas scrambled to his feet and looked around frantically for the creature, trying to find it again in the bush. But, after a beat of silence and stillness Cas realized that it was no longer in the vicinity.

His mind quickly understanding that it had gone after Dean, Cas burst into a run and went back the way he had just came, determined to find Dean before the creature did. As he ran his mind tried to figure out why the creature had run from him. He hadn't been much of a threat what with his gun being forced to the side when the thing had crashed on top of him, and his flamethrower hadn't even been in his hands. So why did it leave and let him live? It just didn't make any sense.

Looking at the area around him Cas realized that he was less than 20 feet away from where he had last seen Dean, and he put on an extra thing of speed to get to his destination.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks

Cas slid to a stop as he reached the clearing where they had originally split up. He couldn't see Dean anywhere in the surrounding area, but if he knew his husband he had gone off in the northeast direction and would have doubled back going southeast to cover more ground. So, Cas went east, hoping to catch Dean somewhere in the middle.

He ran for a few minutes, trying to keep his noise to a minimum in case the monster was still around, but he couldn't get over his worry about the fact that there was almost no noise in the forest. It was unnerving to hear only his harsh breath in the dark, unaccompanied by even an owl or cricket, and he knew what it meant; the animals must have run off, terrified of the wendigo and the power that it wielded.

Cas was yanked from his thoughts as he heard Dean yell out in pain. He stopped momentarily, trying to pinpoint the area from which the cry had come from, but the forest had gone eerily silent once again. Cas grunted in frustration and started off again, this time at a faster pace and uncaring of the noise that he made as he crashed through the bushes. In that moment all he knew was that he had to get to Dean, had to provide the backup that was expected, and that if he didn't...

Another yell.

This time Cas was able to catch the noise before it faded away and directed his body as needed, but as he continued moving he noticed that the sound wasn't fading the same way it did before. No, this time Dean kept running his mouth, telling the wendigo where he could shove it and how Dean would very much like to take its head home to show off to the neighbors. But, the sound of his voice was quickly moving farther and farther away, no matter how fast Cas moved.

Suddenly it hit him. Dean was being carried by the monster, back to its cave for a midnight snack.

But Cas stopped momentarily. What if the noise that he was hearing was simply the wendigo? What if the thing was toying with him and Dean was fine, scouting in some other area? The doubts and questions bounded back and forth in his mind, and he was unable to decide on what to do.

But, it was the sound of their code that spurred him on again. He had just heard Dean yell “Michael is gonna get his ass kicked for this,” and knew that Dean actually was in danger.

"Fuck that," he snarled and began to move as fast as his legs could carry him.

As his legs covered more and more ground and his arms pumped as fast as they could, Cas was pulled back into another memory. This time he saw the first time she spoke, or at least the first time she muttered actual words.

_Dean and himself crowded into their tiny kitchen, trying to put together some form of breakfast while Dean had an armful of baby who didn't want to be put down. They managed to get cereal on the table for Mary while Cas tried not to burn the eggs, but Dean had a difficult time getting her to sit still._

_"Cas! She won't-" Cas heard Dean mutter a curse as Mary forced her cereal into her Daddy's mouth, effectively shutting that sentence down._

_Cas tried to keep his laughter to himself, but he couldn't help the small giggle that escaped. Dean glanced over to him and glared while trying to wipe the food from his mouth, but they were both distracted when Mary started laughing along. Her laugh was so sweet and infectious that her Daddy and Papa couldn't help but smile at one another and crowd around their little girl. Cas started to pet her soft hair and made funny faces at her which only made her laugh harder, but when Dean began to zurbert her tummy her laugh turned into a full force guffaw._

_Dean leaned forward to tickle her, explaining the whole time, "I've got 'cha, baby girl. Yes, I do, yeah, I got 'cha." Her laugh grew to a higher pitch but she also started to form word like sounds, so Dean took his hand away._

_When she finally got her breath back, Mary looked right at her Daddy and said "Shuddup, Daddy."_

_The room went silent until Dean burst out laughing, trying to wipe the tears away that had sprung to his eyes while Cas picked her up and said "very good, baby, Papa is so proud of you for your first words!" Mary giggled again and snuggled into her Papa's shoulder, safe, warm, and quite content with the world. She fell asleep quickly after that and Cas heard Dean get up from the chair that he had been watching them from and walk over to embrace his family._

_"You are not allowed to use that word anymore," Cas grumbled._

_Dean only chuckled and pushed his face into the opposite side of Cas' neck, happy to be with some of the most important people in his world._

A loud shout bought Cas back to reality, along with the sound of a bone breaking. Cas was getting closer to Dean's voice, but he could tell that he was still a ways away, and his mind swooped him back to another memory.

This time he remembered the last time Mary had gotten hurt.

_Cas was mowing the lawn as Dean cleaned the Impala and both were keeping an eye on Mary as she raced up and down the street on her bicycle, pedaling as fast as she could to win the race against her friends. The sound of children's laughter and cheers met Cas' ears over the roar of the lawn mower and he smiled as he looked up to see his little girl cross the finish line in first place._

_"Just like her father," he mused, happy to see that she had a competitive streak along with her compassionate side._

_Turning back to his job, Cas missed the moment that Mary's front wheel tipped over and she went crashing to the ground. But, he did hear her cry of pain and fright and he was moving before he had made a conscious decision. Only thing was, Dean had gotten to her first, apparently having heard her over the blare of his radio._

_As Cas got to them he heard Dean muttering into Mary's ear. "It's okay, sweetheart, you're okay." He tried to shift her body so that he could pick her up, but she moaned in pain, shying away from Dean's touch. "Okay, it's okay, we'll just stay here for a second then, hmmm?"_

_Cas could see that Mary was a bit shell shocked, not able to understand what had caused her to tip over but too stubborn to complain about the pain._

_"Dean," he said, "wrap her knee up and bring her in the house, I have to look at it."_

_Dean nodded and tried to pick her up one more time. As he moved her body he continued his assurances and soft kisses to her head, comforting her the best way that he could._

_Cas moved quickly into their home and went straight for the medicine cabinet. He yanked out a tube of neosporin and a roll of bandage then went to wet a rag from the sink. He kept glancing towards the door and watched as Dean moved slowly with his precious bundle, not willing to cause her any more pain. As they made their way through the front door Cas pulled out a chair for Dean to sit in and motioned for him to put Mary's back to his chest. Crouching down, Cas gently wiped the blood from her knee and glanced up at his daughter. "Mary, sweetie, I have to press down on your knee really quickly to make sure that it's okay. And, I'm gonna need you to hold still. Do you think you can do that?" Mary nodded and shut her eyes tight. She leaned back into Dean, finding her space in his arms and waited for the inspection to stop. Cas didn't find anything to worry about, just a few bruises and some gravel stuck in her skin, and he listened as Dean's murmurs changed to the beginning of a song._

_"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven." Dean stopped._

_Mary suddenly perked up and stared at her Papa. "Go ahead, baby, sing along," Cas said._

_Mary hesitated for a moment and then her soft voice picked up the next line, "when she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed with a word she can get what she came for."_

_She stopped, glancing up at her Daddy and then back down at her Papa. They both smiled at her, encouraging her to keep going as Cas patched up her knee. She cleared her throat and looked back up at Dean, silently asking him to sing along with her. Dean smirked and his deep voice filled the room._

_"Oooh, oooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven." Mary smiled again and raised her voice along with Dean's. "There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure 'cause you know sometimes words have two meanings."_

_Cas slowly rose from his kneeling position and moved to put his supplies back where he found them. The small kitchen filled with the sound of his daughter's and husband's voices, and Cas smiled as tears came to his eyes, joyful in their presence._

Cas slid to a stop as he crashed into another clearing and saw Dean on the ground, warding off the attack with his flamethrower in one hand and gun in the other. Cas moved towards his side, pulling his own weapons and aiming directly at the monster. With his firepower combined with Dean's the creature finally went down, twitching and jerking in the silence of the forest.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major character death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been reading this fic. We hope that you enjoyed the story, and hopefully the ending doesn't hurt too much. ;)

"Dean?" Castiel breathed, trying his best to keep quiet. The forest around them was still and silent, an ominous sign. They were being watched and Cas knew it. "Dean, something isn't right."  
  
"You getting one of those feelings again, Cas?" Dean held his flame-thrower aloft, waiting for any sign of movement. Dean then climbed back to his feet and walked slowly over the soft terrain. "Don't work yourself up, okay. We're gonna be fine. We've done this before," Dean said, trying to assure him.  
  
Castiel's breath caught. He couldn't quite fight off the uneasy feeling that had been bothering him since he'd entered the clearing.   
  
"Wait!" He cried suddenly. Castiel grabbed Dean's arm, halting his movement. "Dean it's-"  
  
The bush closest to them burst into violent movement and a figure streaked out of their sight. Castiel moved to jolt after the beast but Dean called for him to stop.   
  
"Cas, stay next to me! That must be it’s mate and those things can mimic voices! If we get separated, it'll lead us right into a trap. That's probably what happened to those kids. We need to stay in sight of each other." Castiel nodded solemnly.

A roar suddenly ripped through the woods, startling the two men.   
  
"It's trying to scare us into bolting. Stay calm. If we freak out, it wins and we're dinner."  
  
"I am calm." Castiel bit out, searching the trees. The wind whipped around them and suddenly it was like the the forest was alive. Every tree limb was vibrant and angry, scratching against one another in a cacophony of sound. Castiel wanted to cover his ears, the sound was so great.

And then Dean was on his back once again, an eight-foot tall man-like creature roaring over top of him. It dragged it's claws down Dean's front, the leather providing only minimal protection. Castiel slung his flare gun into position and fired directly at the creature's head. The wind caught the shot, pulling it wide and only grazing the beast's cheek, flames eating away at the flesh. It howled in pain and leveled it's furious gaze on Castiel. But Castiel aimed once again and shot it face first, successfully levelling it directly next to its mate.  
  
Castiel jolted back and forth with his flare gun held high. "Dean!" He cried. It was so dark. Where exactly had Dean fallen?   
  
"Cas-," a weak voice called. Castiel scanned the dark landscape, his eyes skating over the grass. He caught sight of the metal of Dean’s belt, glinting in the moonlight.

“Dean!” He cried anxiously, racing to his side.

“Cas,” Dean coughed violently, blood spattering against his lips, “did you get it?”

“I got it, Dean. It’s dead. We need to get you out of here. To a hospital.” Castiel cursed the mountainous terrain that had caused them to park so far away. “Dean, how badly are you hurt? Can you walk?” Castiel pulled Dean’s head into his lap, stroking his hair gently.

“It’s not that bad, Cas, just a flesh wound.” Castiel pulled Dean’s jacket open and drew a sharp breath. That was no flesh wound. Castiel was sure he shouldn’t be able to see Dean’s ribs or his intestines. The beast’s claws had sliced straight through Dean’s flesh and muscle, leaving his organs exposed.

“Oh God. Oh, please God.” Castiel whispered. “Dean, we need to get you to the car. We need to get you there now.” Castiel pulled Dean’s arm up over his shoulder and wrapped his arm tight around the injured man’s waist. “I’m going to try and lift you on three but I’m going to need your help, okay?” Castiel pushed. Dean didn’t answer.

“Dean! Dean, I need you to fucking stay awake, okay? Dean you have to stay with me! I can’t get you there by myself,” Castiel shouted at him, shaking Dean awake.

“I’m here, man, I’m here.” Castiel sucked in a breath and began to count.

“One. Two. Three!” He pulled with all his might trying to hoist Dean to his feet. They had about two seconds of relief before Dean’s legs gave out beneath him and they both hit the ground. Dean let out a cry of pain that shook Castiel to his core and he knew there was no way Dean was getting up again.

“Cas,” Dean wheezed groggily, “Cas, go ahead and go. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

“No. I am not leaving you. I have a first aid kit here. I’ll fix you up.” Castiel hadn’t realized he was crying until he heard the hitch in his voice. He touched his own cheek lightly.

“Don’t do that, angel. You know I hate to see you cry.” Dean smiled weakly at him, his voice getting softer and softer with each turn.

“Of course, I’m sorry.” Castiel murmured, biting his lip to keep from letting out a sob. He pulled Dean closer to him, resting the injured man’s head against his lap. He grabbed the kit from his bag and pulled out the rubber restrictors that they carried around. He clenched each end to the opposite sides of Dean’s chest, trying to hold his flesh together. He then took out the bandages and began to wrap him up and staunch the blood. After doing all that he could Cas stopped and fingered through Dean’s sandy colored locks with care, hot tears wetting the strands. “God please. Please if you were ever there, please don’t take him from me. Please,” he begged. “I’ve lost my brothers and sisters. Please don’t take him from me too!” Castiel buried his face in Dean’s hair and finally let loose a wracked sob. “Dean we gotta get home. Please. We have to get home,” he whispered, thinking of their life and their family, whom it looked like his love would never see again. His traitorous mind then brought forth the last time his family had been together, whole and complete in their happiness.

_"Sam, if you don't move your mother ducking butt to your side of the couch I swear I'm gonna uninvite you to all future movie nights." The younger Winchester laughed at his brother’s word choice, which had become infinitely more amusing since Mary had started repeating everything her Daddy said. After a few choice words were dropped at a friend’s house the other day, Dean had realized that he had to amend his vocabulary a little bit. Sam moved into his unofficial spot at the end of the couch, sandwiched between the popcorn and his niece’s place of honor. Mary came bounding up at that exact moment, all curls and laughter and narrowly missed kneeing her uncle in her excitement to claim her spot._

_"So, sunshine, what movie did you pick this time?" Sam asked._

_"Now Sam, you know movie night is a family decision," Cas declared as he walked into the room with a stack of movies precariously balanced on four glasses of milk and a bowl of popcorn, "in which we all have equal vote on what plays."_

_"Toy Story!" Mary screeched, paying little attention to her Papa's speech_

_Sam smiled as Dean deflated slightly. "Again, princess? We watched that five times already this week? And I'm sure Uncle Sammy doesn't want to watch it for the third week in a row, right Sam?" Dean looked to his brother to be the voice of reason, but he should have known better._

_"I'll watch whatever my girl wants, as long as she sits on my lap during the movie."_

_Mary's scream of delight drowned out Cas and Dean's groans. Cas had no choice but to put in the movie and join his family on the slightly too small couch. As usual he took the only seat left,between his husband and the lamp. He shut off the lights as Sam pulled Mary onto his lap, and snuggled closer to Dean. The glow of the television illuminated the unbroken chain of contact between the small family. Sam, Mary on Sam’s lap, Dean's hand on Mary's leg, and Cas leaning against Dean's side. Despite having seen the movie for what seemed like hundreds of times, Cas felt content with the family he had built around himself. He knew these days wouldn't last forever, but for now Castiel was the happiest man the world had ever known._

Snapping back to reality Cas looked down at himself.

His legs were crumpled underneath him from when he had fallen earlier and his hands were rubbing frantically at Dean's chest, trying to keep the circulation going . He could feel the tears rushing down his face and the sound of his own crying being wrenched from his chest. But worst of all was Dean's head resting peacefully on his lap where his face was quickly turning a soft blue.

But despite his current situation, Cas couldn't take his eyes off of Dean's lips. Those beautiful red lips had become almost white in the loss of life and Cas could see them becoming chapped as Dean's body kept losing oxygen. They looked so different, so bizarre that Cas couldn't connect them to his husband, his Dean. Those were not the lips that kissed him softly in the morning and trailed down his chest to suck lightly at his nipples. Those were not the lips that pecked their daughter on the cheek as she skipped off to hang out with her Uncle Sammy. Those were not the lips that antagonized Sam while smirking and refusing to let the other man take the last piece of pie. And those certainly were not the lips that sang songs to their little girl as she clung to her parents in her happiness and sadness alike.

But, Cas reasoned, those were the same lips, and if he didn't try harder then he'd never see their lush red again.

Reaching down to grip Dean's shoulders once more, Cas readied himself to pick up the heavy load and truck it back to the Impala.

"No," Dean whispered.

Cas sat back down and ran his fingers through Dean's short hair.

"Shhhh, Dean, it will be okay. I'm gonna get you back to the car and you'll be fine, I promise."

Dean slowly shook his head and pulled Cas' hand into his. "Angel, I don't think-" he coughed, unable to speak clearly with the blood filling his lungs. "I don't think I'm gonna make it."

Cas stared into Dean's eyes, shocked. Hadn't Dean just said earlier that Cas wasn't allowed to get hurt? Hadn't he said that he'd never forgive him? Well, what about this? What about Dean not being allowed to get hurt and leave their family? What about Dean's responsibility to Mary? To Cas?

"No," he rasped, trying to get words past his clogged throat, "no, you are going to be fine, Dean. You promised me when we got married, remember? You promised to stay with me."

Dean looked wrecked at he stared up at Cas, unable to truly express his fear and love, but he tried anyway. "Baby, I know I did." Dean could feel tears starting to clog his voice and the blood fill his lungs even faster. "I know, and I always will be. No matter what." He paused, trying to catch his breath. "Even in-- even in death, Cas, I swear."

By Dean's last word Cas was rocking back and forth, clutching his husband to his chest.

"Please, just let me move you,” he begged, “let me get you to the car. Dean, please." His words were almost incomprehensible as the anguish built up along with his tears.

Dean could feel the tears cascading down his own cheeks and mixing in with Cas' right on his chest.

"Cas," he choked, "angel, listen to me." Cas could barely hear him over the sucking breaths he was taking, and Dean's image was blurry from his tears. Dean tried again. "Baby, please, listen to me."

Cas slowly gathered himself and looked at Dean, the man who was trying so valiantly to hang on for a few more moments.

"Cas, angel, do me a favor." Dean paused before taking a short breath. "Sing to me, will you?"

Cas breathed in a stuttering breath before nodding. He knew which song Dean wanted to hear. Their song, their wedding song, the one song that Dean only ever listened to on special occasions.

Cas leaned down and kissed Dean’s lips, flinching from the smell of blood, but unable to move away. Then, he began to sing.

_"I took my love and I took it down,"_ Dean started to smile as Cas' deep baritone filled his ears.

_"I climbed a mountain and I turned around,"_ Cas could feel Dean start to shake as his body started to lose the fight.

_"And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills. Well, the landslide brought me down,"_ Cas' voice shook as Dean did and his words were covered by Dean’s gasps and moans of pain.

_"Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life,"_ Cas paused as his body bent even further and a wrenching sob broke from his chest.

Dean grasped the nape of Cas' neck and whispered along with him, his lips brushing the corner of Cas' ear. _"Well, I've been afraid of changin' cause I've built my life around you. But time makes bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too."_

Cas had to pause once more, his pain taking his breath from him. During the short lull, Dean tugged Cas' face to his and softly kissed him one last time. "Cas," he said, voice strong, "Castiel, I love you."

"I love you too, Dean," Cas swore, his entire body shaking and torn with the power of the truth. "I love you so much."

With that, Dean's eyes softened and slowly deadened until the vibrant green orbs were lifeless and stared blankly ahead.

"Dean," Cas whispered, his eyes frantically skirting over Dean's face and body. "Dean?"

He closed his eyes, unable to take in the truth before him. The silence of the forest wrapped around him, leaving him alone in his pain; so, he sang.

_"Well, I've been afraid of changin'_   
_Cause I've built my life around you_   
_But time makes bolder_   
_Children get older_   
_And I'm getting older too_

_Well, I'm getting older too_

_So take this love and take it down_   
_Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around_   
_And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills_   
_Well, the landslide brought it down_

_And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills_   
_Well maybe..._   
_Well maybe..._   
_Well maybe..._   
_The landslide'll bring you down"_

Castiel Novak-Winchester looked down at his husband's body and sagged forward until his forehead rested against the broad chest that had loved and supported him throughout their years. And that night, in the unnatural silence of the forest, a lone man wailed his agony to the unforgiving world, cursing his Father for all that had been bestowed upon him.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a little collab between the three of us and we're all on Tumblr: bookworms-and-butts, monroesherlock, and blissfullycracked. We also had three fantastic betas: i-amverybusy, theangelshandprint, and feywinds. This is the first published fic for one of us, and hopefully the continuation of a new writing hobby for another. So, please excuse any OOC moments that you may catch, we certainly didn't mean for them to occur. Feedback is always appreciated!  
> Annnnndddd.... ART! Art by one of our writers, monroesherlock. http://monroesherlock.livejournal.com/848.html


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